February 14, 2013

Siri strikes again. . .

you know your day is off to a good start when the gentleman directing traffic through the Med Center stops to give you a look of concern. 
whether it was concern for his well being or mine is a tough call. 
why would he do this, you ask? 
(it's so convenient that you always ask me these questions that prompt me to enter my story.)
(thanks for that.)

the kind/frightened gentleman looked at me like this because i probably appeared to be operating a vehicle while bawling my eyes out. 
technically, i was crying. 
from laughter. 
and i was laughing so hard, that it probably did look like i was crying. 
by myself. 
in my car. 
while driving. 

either way, this probably wasn't the safest situation. 
you see, i was crying-from-laughing, because i had just attempted to use Siri to send a colleague a text. 
unfortunately, this feature is only helpful for people who slow down enough to make it work. 
i am not one of those people. 
resulting in this exchange:

that's right. 
yesterday, i sent a colleague a text that included the word "boobs."
fortunately, Emily has worked with me for 3 years, and is equal parts friend and colleague. 
this means that she knows to expect things like this from me. 
(the poor talk-to-text part of me. NOT the otherwise inappropriate texting part.)
clearly, the best way to address this is by posting a letter to Siri. 
who is not actually a person. 
on a site that she (the not-actual-person) will never actually read. 
ahem. . .

Dear Siri, 

It seems like time for a carefrontation. 
I find it pertinent to clarify the following:

- I will never, ever, ask you to text anyone I know the word "boobs."
- I don't even actually use this word when speaking. 
- Especially not with colleagues.
- And I don't plan on starting now. 

At this point, I simply can't decide if you have a really good sense of humor, or just a bit of a mean streak. 
Because we both know you have some fascinating auto-correct capabilities as well. 
Either way, please, help me. 
I clearly can't do this on my own. 

Thanks in advance, 

it should be noted that, apparently, when i write letters to not-people, i bother to use proper capitalization. 
i would probably benefit from Apple adding a "read-back" feature to Siri. 
you see, i use the talk-to-text function at times i can't safely look at my phone. 
so the fact that Siri shows me a written version of my text in advance isn't helpful. 
when driving. 
just sayin'. 

the average bear would probably stop using this feature. 
apparently, i am the less-than-average bear. 
because poor Bernie was more than slightly confused when i sent him this text this morning: 

clearly, Siri, i meant "a deer tutoring."
"a day or two during our" would have been downright illogical. 

so, for now. . . 
friends, family and colleagues, please accept my apology in advance. 
because there is likely a confusing, and potentially uncomfortable, text heading your way the next time i get behind the wheel. 


  1. have never actually Rotfl UNTIL now.
    Siri never got a talk to text right for me either.

  2. Once my phone typed "Al Bundy Gas" (for albondigas...the soup) funniest text EVER! I just went ahead and sent it that way. ;)