daring "gray"tly. . . part 2

yesterday, i wrote about my time at #ACPA14, meeting Brené  Brown, and my journey toward daring greatly by applying for a PhD program. 

looking forward, i have one more "daring greatly" project on the horizon. 

though it might seem slightly superficial to some, this one took a little bit of soul searching on my end, and a lot of reading other people's blogs on the experience.

(a personal favorite has been How Bourgeois. i am grateful to the women who have shared their stories on the topic.) 

the next journey? 

i've decided to let my natural hair grow out. 

i've written about it before, but i started to go grey at 19. 

granted, in my "goth" years, i was coloring my hair with Manic Panic back at 16.

but even as i have shifted to more natural shades, i have been dying it regularly ever since.   

very regularly. 

and i started to reflect on how much longer i was willing to chase something that i can't catch. 

if i don't dye my hair every 2 or 3 weeks, it is clear to the world that i am very grey. 

and, let's be real, i never get around to coloring my hair every 2 or 3 weeks. 

which leads to many conversations where i watch people's eyes float to my hairline. 

and then i'm spending half of my energy in the conversation, and half giving myself a hard time for not "staying on top of" my gray. 

and the thing is. . .i don't really care that i have gray hair. 

i had more shame around looking like i don't have my life together than i do about my actual appearance. 

of all the things i want to spend my time and energy on, routine hair maintenance isn't one of them. 

i've told some people about my decision, and i've received mixed responses. 

some have been supportive. 

some have said i'm "too young" to go grey at 36. 

(which is funny. because i AM 36. and i AM grey. technically, i've just been "hiding" it.)

others have asked "how does bernie feel?"

to those folks, i say, you don't know bernie very well. 

he is a man who reads to the boys at night, does more than his fair share of dishes and laundry, and just wants the people he loves to be happy. 

and each time i take a step in this authenticity journey of embracing who i really am, and not what i think i should be, bern gains a happier and more whole partner. 

though he doesn't assume to have a say in the matter, he is very supportive. 

(caveat: because i dye my hair myself, i am assuming he is also excited about the future safety of the paint job in the bathroom. i've been known to make a few mistakes along the way. . . )

chopping my hair off would make for a quick transition. 

the problem is, i don't want to go short. 

i donated my hair in 2010 and didn't feel like myself for several years while i grew it back.

to avoid the world's worst ombre effect, i think i am going to get my hair highlighted a bit while i transition to grey. 

here i am on February 17, 2014 (nerdy work head shot):

and here i am as of this morning (april 6, 2014):

this photo makes it seem as though i will have a lovely zebra/skunk effect going on. 

neat. 

this one, less so. 

i have no idea. 

it's hard to predict what "kind of grey" you have.

granted, i have a LONG way to go. . . 

and the whole project could turn into an absolute disaster. 

i may run screaming for the nearest box of Feria at some point. 

but i'm going to give it a whirl. 

i'm genuinely curious to find out what i actually look like under all that dye. 

but i thought it was important to say that i am both relieved and excited about this choice. 

and that, for me, there is a big difference between "letting myself go" and "letting it grow."

i'll keep you posted. . . 

daring greatly - part 1

last week, bernie and I attended the annual convention of the American College Personnel Association. 

my parents flew out to visit and then watch the boys. . . and a puppy. . . while we were gone. 

bless.

their. 

hearts. 

ACPA was the place bernie and i had our first real "where is this relationship going" conversation. 

in 2001. 

this was us then: 

clearly, it was a good conversation. :)

this year, we had the opportunity to serve on the Convention planning team. 

as the co-chairs of the opening and closing sessions. 

here we are 13 years later: 

we received several questions about what it was like to "work together" this week. 

i sometimes forget what an anomaly our relationship has been professionally. 

we met in grad school, and took our first full-time positions at the same institution. 

in the same department. 

doing the same job. 

our first year at Ohio State, we were Hall Directors in Baker West and Siebert Hall. 

so, while we lived in the same building, bern's commute each morning was a walk across a parking lot. 

and a few years later we were assigned to run both Baker East and Baker West when Anthony was an infant. 

i now work in the Center for the Study of Student Life and bern oversees First Year Experience and Orientation, so our roles as colleagues looks different now. 

but, yep, we are used to working together, and both appreciate the different strengths we bring to the table.  

anyway. ACPA. 

i was excited for this week for many reasons. 

getting to see familiar faces like this: 

and this:

and this: 

(Maura is basically a foot taller than me. bless her for pretending.)

and these: 

but, the thing that has kept me continually excited about working on the planning team was the closing session. 

ACPA brought Dr. Brené Brown in to speak. 

if you aren't familiar with her work, you should take the time to check it out. 

http://brenebrown.com

i have been reading and reflecting on her work since my friend Sus introduced me to her during an RA training session a few years back. 

i was thrilled to get to see Brené Brown speak live. 

because we were working on the logistics for her session, i was hopeful that i might get a chance to meet her. 

. . . until she walked in for her sound check, and i instantly got butterflies in my stomach and was very grateful that i was busy taping off chairs so i could collect myself. 

Adam Levine could have walked in at that moment and i might have felt more normal chatting it up with him. 

(bern teases me because i used to giggle when he came on screen during The Voice.)

i realized later that there were a lot more layers to meeting Brené. 

i have read her books, read stories about her life, and in reading her books, have come to significant points of insight and reflection on my own life. 

she represented a lot more to me than Adam's "you are cute and i like your songs" would have. 

so. 

the time came to find her green room and get her situated and i had the opportunity to be part of the process. 

we were able to sneak in a photo: 

and i love that Megan Rowe was able to catch this one that we took with the ACPA team: 

but photos and green rooms aside, i was thrilled to see her speak in person, and be truly vulnerable on that stage, and really engage with our delegates at the convention. 

part of her message revolves around a Theodore Roosevelt quote about the importance of "daring greatly."

bernie was wiped out after the convention, so i drove home from Indy to let him sleep. 

i spent some time reflecting on Brene's message, and the last year. 

applying for the Higher Education and Student Affairs PhD program at OSU this year was a big "daring greatly" moment for me. 

it is something i have wanted to do for quite some time, and applying as an "internal candidate" felt like a very public process. 

what if i didn't get in?

that was a very real question for me. 

i vividly recall bern asking me in the fall, "can i tell people you're applying?"

my mental/gut response was, "no. because then they will all know if i fail."

fortunately, i told him yes. 

and i told my friends, too. 

and i received SO much more love and support along the GRE/application/interview journey by saying, "i really want this, and it makes me feel six kinds of excited and nauseous, and generally squishy," than i would have by keeping it to myself. 

i even received a day-before-the-GRE support text, written to the tune of Les Mis' One Day More, from my friend Phil. (Now Dr. Badaszewski! Yay!)

it started "one day more, one more day until the GRE. . ." and went on from there.

(if you don't have musical theatre friends, you are missing out all kinds of ridiculousness.)

and, now that i have been admitted to the program (YAY!), i'm asking myself, what have i signed my family and i up for over the next several years?

am i being fair to bern? 

the boys? 

it's easy to spiral down this path, but right now, i am choosing to be grateful. 

for the opportunity.

and the journey ahead. 

looking forward, i have one more "daring greatly" project on the horizon. 

but that is for another post. . . 

3285 Days of Us

it's our Savvyversary!

(too much? i love smooshing words together!)

(which my friend brandon would remind me is a "portmanteu.")

anyway!

it's our 9 year anniversay!

yay!

last year i rolled out a new page for our anniversary, all about our story. 

wholesome. 

this year, bern and i will be off celebrating in town. 

doing something crazy called "eating food while it is still warm."

and "watching a movie that is not PG, and during which i can hear the dialogue."

specifically, we are going to see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. 

we are all sappy like that. 

(actually, we are. but my sweet husband really loves me and knows how much i've been waiting for this too come out after plowing through the books. bless his heart.)

i guess it's better than the year we saw P.S. I Love You for v-day, not knowing it was not entirely a feel-good movie. 

oops. 

anyway, so that bern and i can enjoy the day together, i am putting up a very early post!

a very Happy Anniversary to my sweet boy. 

who, when the reverend for our wedding made a reference to him choosing me of "all the women in the world," recalls thinking a quick string of thoughts about the fact that he really hadn't been searching in that wide a pool. 

but with him being from Ohio and me from California, we feel we have a good portion of the continental US covered. :) 

in celebration, i am finally adding a new page to the site. 

our family photos from 2011. 

here's a sneak peek below!

MBA = Masters of the Bug Arts

so, recently, anthony got a bug bite on his leg. 
or, at least i am fairly certain he did. 
because he was sitting on the floor of our master, putting on his shoes, and he was itching a red bump on his leg. 
a bump that i had told him was a bug bite the previous night. 
and he asked bern to look at it. 
he wanted to know if his father thought it was a bug bite. 


i kindly started to explain that i had already checked it out the night before. 
he looked me straight in the eye, and matter of factly, stated, "yeah, but, Mom. . . dad has been in school longer."


sweet. 
another person who thinks my Masters in College Student Personnel isn't all that helpful. 
thank goodness bern went back for the MBA.
goodness knows what topical ointment we might have applied to anth if he hadn't. 

things bernie likes

i don't often focus mysavvyboys on the oldest boy in the house. 
but today, for fun, bern gets a featured spot. 
for yesterday's post about my favorite things, i had to work on cutting back and limiting it to five.
bern?
let's just say he's not a man to be caught up in fads.
so, here is his top 5, (somewhat) according to him.


1. Consistency and Order
yep. seriously. 
and the poor kid picked me as a life partner.
as he explains, he just really likes 90 degree angles.
he likes his brain and environment to be in some (high) semblance of order.
or he can't enjoy the things that follow:


2. Apple
virtually anything made by Apple makes bernie happy.
this is consistently true. 
iPods, iPhones, iPads, his MacBook, etc.
i have to admit . . .
iPeed a little when i saw him wandering in this direction at Best Buy recently.
fortunately, he kept going. 


3. His bag
in which he keeps his iPad.
he actually searched long and hard for a good bag for this.
and he found a super cute one.
(not, perhaps, the descriptor he would use for it.)
it is neither too big or too small, is leather, and does not have birds or flowers on it. 
i specify the last one because while he was looking for the perfect bag, i was sending him 
helpful ideas, like this one. 
and this one. 
it's a good thing i'm so helpful to him. 
here is his square-shaped dream come true:

4. The Debt Ceiling
okay, so he does not love the debt ceiling.
but he was fascinated by the news related to it.
which leads me to his final favorite:


5. Meet The Press
this was one of the things he missed the most while working on his MBA.
(ahem. after his family.)
and now, at long last, they are back together.
as bern said, he's been reunited.
and it feels so good.
(yes, that was a direct quote.)

grad-dads and granddads

while i continue my committment to being a lazy poster while my parents are in town, i thought that a few quick photos of bern's big day were in order!

it all started here.

with this tree.

and me and my dad on our back porch.

testing out the zoom lens for my camera.

...we were curious how far it would actually zoom.

once again, i play the part of awkward neighbor as i aim my zoom lens into someone else's backyard.

 

a sea of silly hats.

and one, amidst the yellows, that i couldn't help but love.

it said "it's a girl!"

dear whoever you are, congrats!

bernie standing up to have his degree conferred by President Gee!

(you can actually see him about three folks in from the ramp, looking slighlty to his right in front of the folks with the yellow hoods.)

 

bern making his way down the ramp with degree in hand!

aside from looking up to see dad at the appropriate times, the gravity of the event was somewhat lost on our favorite kindergartener.

but, he was super excited to have 6 times his usual allotment of Nintendo DS time.

 

bern came to find us up in our seating area after the ceremony!

 

here are my folks with bern!

 

and 4 generations of savvy men back at our house after the ceremony to celebrate!

with a side of Wish Bear.

 

benny intently discusses something relating to the number four with uncle frank's fiancee, nicole.

 

and, after the party, my pops helped grab a photo of bern and i in the backyard.

this time there are people in front of the camera, pointing in the same direction as the morning's creep-zoom-photo

and, of course, anth's journal o' the day.

with a lovely depiction of bern's gown.

which, apparently, was mainly sleeves.

congrats again to our savvy daddy!

(he might have my hide for mentioning this, but bern was honored with the Weidler Scholars award for academic achievement in his program by the Fisher School of Business!

smart boys are sexy!)