December 28, 2012

a whole decade of us!!

it's official!
we made it to 10 years together!
we are off celebrating today, but i wanted to publicly say thanks for all the memories to my sweet boy!
how do i know he really loves me? 
part of our celebration includes seeing Les Mis. 
(yes, i do see the irony of celebrating 10 years by watching The Miserables.)

Happy Anniversary, Bernie!!
here's to many more decades together!

think he would have married me if he knew i would blog our life? oops.
in fairness, it wasn't part of the vows.
(want to know more? here's the extended version.)

December 27, 2012

how hot i'm not

everyone once in a while, i start to write a post. 
and then i get distracted and never come back. 
this is one of those posts. 
i just found it with the three images below loaded and no actual content. 
so, here is what happened. . .

bern and i were on the couch watching The Voice one night. 
and they showed a quick clip of Lou Diamond Phillips in the audience. 
and i asked bern, "oh my goodness. how old is he now?"
bern lovingly responded, "ask Siri."
so, i did.
and i found out this:

then, because i'm a punk, i asked siri, "how old is bernie savarese?"
not shockingly, bernie did not have the same level of fame as our friend lou.
So Siri, who responds verbally and in writing, asked out loud if she should search the web for Bernie.
this is what Siri asks when she has no idea what you're talking about.
(i see this response a lot. apparently i only ask ridiculous questions.)

then, bernie wanted in on the action. 
he paused The Voice, got out his phone and asked it, "how hot is Krystyne Savarese?"
(note: Siri can spell Savarese. Most humans can't)

again, because Siri responds verbally, the first two words we both heard were, "not exactly."

this screen had to be recreated to capture it.
but no worries.
i am not exactly hot whenever it is cold outside.
and yes, i will ask again this summer. 

let me tell you. 
i often see bernie laugh. 
i do not often see bernie fall into a sidesplitting, tear-inducing round of laughter. 
Siri telling him his wife was "not exactly" attractive was, apparently, a source of this kind of laughter.
he laughed so long, and so hard, that at some point, he just pulled one of the couch blankets up over his head. 
apparently, he thought maybe he was being rude.
you know what was better?
sitting next to a large, shaking, slightly crying blanket on the couch. 
at this point, i turned The Voice back on. 
sometimes you have to let the laughter take its course. 

lesson learned?
only ask Siri things you really want to know.

December 25, 2012

a christmas fail from us to you

i, per usual, am behind on posting this year. 
here's to a better track record in 2013. 

this time of the year allows us to take some precious time off of work, and focus on our little men. 
and that is just what we are doing!

for now, here are a couple of old pictures from our early attempts at family photo shoots for the annual holiday card:

here is ben. 
letting us know that the shoot was, officially, over. 

and again. 
and again, he tried to tell us the photo shoot was over.

fortunately, these days, we work with professionals for our holiday card. . .

this only highlights that, perhaps, we are the problem. 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and much love to all!

December 9, 2012

someone call sigourney weaver

becuase i'm pretty sure that benny has an alien inside him.
or the flu.
sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

if the every-30-minute-vomit-fest last night wasn't enough to convince me my child was ill, what just transpired would have:


aliens, i tell you.

December 8, 2012

why anth has to do his homework

(12 RA applications read, 21 to go. clearly time for a little distraction. . .)

dear anth,

sometime this week, mommy went to get some coffee at the local gas station.
because mommy is classy like that.
(note: keurig really needs to make a bigger portion.)

as i walked in the door, i was greeted by this sign.
i didn't want any Jolly Ranchers, but i read it anyway.
this probably is a residual effect of being a Resident Advisor in college.
so many poster made.
so few of them read.
here is what i saw:

though you don't always apprecaite it, sweet boy, this is why mommy and daddy make you do your math homework every night.


December 7, 2012

fail photo friday: i stink at elf-shelfing

Dear Ernie the Elf,

you made me lie to my kids 5 times this morning.


not enough of a post?
here is the play by play of what happened this morning. . .

on a typical school/work day, the boys wake up and go straight downstairs where they hang out for a little while before breakfast.
today, benny woke up really early, so he snuck into our bed while i was getting ready.
when i headed downstairs to make coffee, benny followed behind me.
fortunately, he was still moving slowly.
becuase the minute i got to the bottom of the stairs, i saw Ernie the Elf.
in the exact same place he had been the day before.
because both bernie and i are awesome, and forgot to move him.

trying to think on my feet, i quickly told benny to stop moving.
he wanted to know why.
so i told him i had left presents out while wrapping last night and needed to hide them.
(Lie #1. - i was actually watching Parenthood.)
benny ran back into my bedroom and i quickly grabbed Ernie from the front room and shoved him in a spot in the kitchen.
immediately after forcefully making Ernie fit in his new spot du jour in the kitchen, i noticed that the light was on in the downstairs bathroom.
and then realized someone was in there.
that someone?
he, apparently, came downstairs right before ben and i did, so i didn't even know he was awake.

in approximately .0003 seconds, i deduced that he would have already seen that Ernie had been in the same place.
i then ran back to the kitchen, picked up Ernie, and immediately heard the door to bathroom turn.
in my most impressive feat of parental calmness, i screamed, "STAY INSIDE THE BATHROOM!"
to which i heard a muffled, "but i'm done in here!"
trying to apply logic to the situation, i then yelled, "STAY IN THERE ANYWAY!"
thinking that i was just being my usual silly self, anth came out of the bathroom at that moment.
probably to see why his mother was being such a spaz.

he took one look at me, saw Ernie in my arms, and then yelled at me, "MOM! WHAT. DID. YOU. DO!?!?"
i realized that neither "murdered Ernie," nor "ruined a cute holiday tradition," were a good response.
in that moment i also realized that, for some reason, i was cradling Ernie in my arms like an infant.
i don't know why.

then i told anth that i had knocked ernie over while trying to reach something in the basket he had been in before.
(lie #2).
anth asked what i was trying to get.
in response, i reached into the basket and pulled out the first thing i touched.
which was my glue gun.
i explained that this is what i needed.
at 6:22 am.
on a Friday.
(lie #3).
anth asked why i needed a glue gun.
i told him i wanted to make a wine-cork-christmas-tree.
(thank you Barb Kefalas for sending me a picture of a wine cork tree last night. goodness knows what else i would have come up with at that moment.)

(lie #4).
anth got all excited about the new craft project and asked if he could help.
i told him that i would love this.
like most 7-year-olds, anth was calmed by the idea of a good holiday-inspired craft project made as a result of the mass consumption of wine on the part of my friends and colleagues. 
he simply walked off toward the family room.

as he was sitting down on the couch, he turned over his shoulder and offered, "just get me when you're ready to email Santa so i can help you explain."
then, "and leave Ernie in the stocking so Santa can find him."

this would be lie #5

Dear Ernie,

i apolgize for the previous letter.
i've realized that, though you may not be able to tell, i am am the parent in this situation.
and that i should probably just acknowledge that my inability to keep up with a seemingly easy activity makes me feel mildly incompetent at life.
thank goodness i have anth to show me the way.

perhaps some ginko biloba for christmas?


December 4, 2012

what would YOU ask The Bloggess?

dear you, 


i was recently given the opportunity to do a radio interview with Jenny Lawson. 
more commonly referred to as The Bloggess. 
because she writes a blog. 
called, The Bloggess. 
among others. 
if you are in the unfortunate situation of not having previously read her blog, you should remedy that. 
now. (this is from today and is a post about her life with an Elf on the Shelf.)
(here is a post about my failures with our own Ernie the Elf.)
(why is his name Ernie? glad you asked. explanation here.)
warning, she does not hold back when it comes to language, niceties, etc. 

read her blog. 
for real. 
it's hilarious. 
unless you are easily offended. 
then, well, sorry. 
read something else. 
this is one of her more famous posts
(. . .)

i may like her a lot. 
as in, this is in my office:

(this picture also nicely highlights my need to dust the far right section of my desk.)
some of my colleagues in other states may also have this framed print, sent to them at Christmas last year. 
if this picture makes no sense to you, then you didn't read the notable post i included above. 
shame on you. 
you're missing out. 
also. Jenny Lawson wrote a book
but don't read that, right now. 
you aren't done with this post. 
you can read it after that. 

she is doing an interview with Writer's Talk
former USACer, Doug Dangler, has interviewed Jenny previously, and called me to see if i would be interested in doing her second one with the program. 
i'll be honest. 
public speaking makes me nervous. 
but at least then you have hand gestures. 
or can point at something and say, "look!"
i have NO idea what do to. 
or what i'm doing. 
but now i get to go and do that which i have no idea how to do next Wednesday. 
this should be fun for everyone. 
here's where you come in. . .

1. i'm still looking for a current OSU student who wants to co-interview! want in? have suggestions? let me know ASAP!

2. have a burning question for The Bloggess? let me know that, too!
currently, i have: 

- why are you so awesome?
- tell me about your writing process?
- can we be friends? and, 
- you're so funny. 
which is not a question. 
simply a fact. 

clearly, i need help. 
thanks in advance.