Carversations with Benny

benny has many awesome moments in the car.
usually it is when he is waxing philosophical on some topic or another.

today?
god.
it was a nice light way to start the morning.

actually, the conversation started more as a statement.
"hey, mom?"
"yeah?"
"did you know god has no hands?"
"um. no. how do you know that?"
as it turns out, one of his classmates had told him this.

we paused for a moment.
and i asked if he thought god might have feet.
"MOM. of course...how else would he walk around in outer space?"
apparently benny's version of god defies the laws of gravity.
and walks around the galaxy.
handless.

this of course led to benny asking what god really looks like.
i told him that many people had many different ideas about that.
which, of course, was a totally useless answer in benny's eyes.
silence.
then, "mom! you know how you can get an answer, right?"
"for this one, not really."
"MOM."
(he tends to overemphasize my name when he finds me to be useless.)

". . . just Google it. they'll know."

FYI: i'm no fun

as it turns out, i, apparently, am no fun. 
the source of this data? 
mr. benjamin savarese. 

the topic of conversation that spurred this fun fact? 
how to decorate the house for halloween. 

this, per usual, happened in the drive on the way in to work. 
we passed a house that had been "TP'd."
(although, i must say, back in the day we were not so bold as to write "UAGS"...which i imagine stands for Upper Arlington Girls Soccer, or something to that effect...ON THE LAWN when we did such things. we thought we were, somehow, anonymous.)
anyway, we passed a corner house with lovely tall trees dripping in toilet paper. 
benny assessed their work. 
and promptly asked if we, too, could dress our house as a mummy for halloween. 

i, of course, declined. 
thus making me "no fun."

so, thank you, local teenagers, for helping my children find new ways to find me boring and utterly unreasonable. 
greatly appreciated. 

Benny HGTV - fail photo

(remember when i used to do "fail photos?" oops.)

so far this week, benny has helped us see old halloween costumes as potential home decor items.
today, benny shows us that there is no need to keep the decor just to the home.
why not, say, on the car ride to daycare, take advantage of the halloween stickers still sitting in your bag of treats from yesterday's fun?
there are entire windows back there just waiting for a little bit of this action:

note: no bennys were harmed as a result of this design choice.
they were, however, highly confused as to why mommy and daddy were not nearly as excited about the decor as they were.

gregory hines meets Guns N' Roses

while i generally spend my time listening to musical theatre and singer-songwriter shtuff, i am drawn on occasion to listening to 105.7 The Brew in the morning.
they advertise themselves as "the next generation of classic rock."
i own it. 
i totally enjoy a little Metallica and Queensryche on the way in to work when the mood strikes.

anyway, i was in one of those moods yesterday.
benny was riding in my car while anth spent the day with bern.
Guns and Roses came on.
benny, who had been quiet for a few minutes, added, "those are some really loud dancers in this song, mom."
i had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
until he pointed out the dancing.
in the song Paradise City.
i was horrified.
"actually, benny, those are drums."
um.
tragic.

my sister, Katie, is 6.5 years younger than me.
by the time she hit first grade, she was able to sing Paradise City on cue.
and had quite the collection of Violent Femmes songs in her repertoire.

yes, friends.
this was one of those moments when i took pause to reflect on the lessons i was and was not teaching ben.
bonus that he thought they were dancing.
sad that he didn't know it was drumming.
note: i did not question the choice to listen to The Brew with my 4-year-old.

again.
i am eternally building up my Parent of the Year award nomination.
so many examples.
so little time.

why ben can't go to the moon

driving home from work the other day, ben noticed the moon in the early evening sky.
and here is what followed:

benny: look momma, the moon! (pause.) but i can't go there. (sigh)
mom: that's only for Backstreet Boys.
benny: what?
mom: nevermind. i was kidding. why can't you go there?
benny: because you don't give me the stuff i need.
mom: a spaceship?
benny: no. i need to shoot all the aliens. and you won't let me have guns.

that's right, friends.
benjamin thinks that mom, and her crazy no-weapons-for-preschoolers safety standards, are the biggest roadblock between him and the moon.

it's always time for christmas music

okay.
so, i don't actually think it's always time for holiday music. 
but, i am always ready for it to be time for holiday music. 
as such, i decided this year that the week before Thanksgiving was the appropriate time to bring on the holiday cheer. 
i officially kicked off the holiday season in the car, boys in tow, with the Glee Christmas Album. 
number 2. 


benny quickly decided that his favorite is Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town. 
this is entertaining to me because it is about being good or bad, and ben teeters on the brink when making some of these decisions.
but, he loves it. 
this, of course, means repeat. 
often. 


at some point while we were driving and listening to this song for the nth time, ben decided it was not cold enough outside to warrant a vest. 
and he demanded that i immediately remove it from his 5-point-harnessed person. 
while driving. 
he then became quite...spirited...when i informed him that was not able to do so at the time. 


anth turned to ben, put his hand on his arm, and waited for him to calm down enough to listen.
"ben, you better listen to this song. even though it just sounds like a happy little song, it's the truth!"

the things we do out of love...

...sometimes include strapping in your son's art project and driving him to a variety of public places. 

lest something bad happen to him. 

(it would appear he has already had a rough enough time. and is barely holding himself together.)

what i said vs. what he heard...

first, thank you very much to alice for taking care of a sick version of benny, Thor hammer and all, today so that i could attend an event on campus. 
i apologize. 


because i had benny with me today, i left work early, and we picked up anth shortly after he got out of school. 
as we were driving home, someone almost drove into the side of our car. 
(for real.)
(i need to clarify because folks who have driven with me know that i eternally think that someone is about to swerve into our lane.)
(this person, in fact, was driving out of her lane in a parking lot and into lane i was in.)
(with her head stuck in her purse that was apparently on the floor of the passenger side of her car.)
(to this, i say, at least put it on your passenger seat, lady.)
(sheesh.)


anyway. 
Woman With Head Closer To Floor Of Car Than Windshield almost drove into us. 
i swerved to miss her. 
and then i said, "freaking poop!"
(harsh, i know. it's shocking it was not worse.)
eternal rule abider, anth, scolded me.
"mom! if you are going to use bathroom words, i will start using them, too."
i apologized. 
then i told anth i didn't think he would do that because he was a good boy and was smart enough to know that he could choose to follow rules even when other people forget. 
he looked at me in the rear view mirror with sadness. 
"mom. do you realize you kind of just told me that you aren't a good girl and you aren't very smart?"


now i do, sweet boy.
now i do.

vocab words

scene: the ride home from work.
i was driving. 
the kids were sitting in the back. 
(in case those two details needed clarification.)
the boys were quietly talking to each other in the back about their days at school.
i was partially listening to some song or another and partially engrossed in my own thoughts. 
until i suddenly heard applause.
i checked out of my own thoughts in time to here anth declare, "good job benny!!!  i didn't know you knew the word 'torture!'"


i try not to be too concerned by what my children determine to be moments worth celebrating.

fail photo 31: things i shouldn't have to teach

this morning, i got out of bed at 5:38.

we had prepped lunches, snacks, backpacks and clothes the night before.

yet, somehow, we still managed to be running late as a unit of four.

the boys were thrilled.

because this meant we would drive by tim horton's for breakfast/OJ.

this is not a usual drill by any means.

but it does get employed on what seems to be a quarterly basis.

benny practically burst out of his seat begging for "spinkles."

he was informed he could have a plain cake donut but not icing on a school day. 

then he asked for a green donut.

i've never really seen one of these.

i'm certain he hasn't either.

but, hey. can't hurt to ask, right?

all of this brings me to this photo i took a few months back on one of the boys birthdays.

becuase, you see, i am embarrassed.

there are some things i didn't think i should have to teach the boys.

like, say, how to properly eat a donut...

here you find the evidence.

these are discards.

backseat bloopers

maybe it's just me.
and you can tell me if it is.
but here is a statement i never really wanted to hear from anth via the backseat:

"oh, benny. why would you ever put all those goldfish in your ears?"

again.
it could just be me.
other parents could totally welcome this kind of thing.

grammar matters

first...on a note unrelated to my kiddos or this post...today was a good day. 
a good friend bought a flight to come and visit this summer, and i was given the opportunity to take on a leadership role i've been hoping to have a chance to serve in. 
i really let myself want this and was nervous about it on a variety of levels. 
ask bern. 
i'm sure he can share some charming stories of my hot mess of a self over the last few weeks. 
so, a quick word of thanks to those who put their vote of confidence in me, as well as to my lovely colleagues in Archer and Neilwood Gables for their barrage of kind words and "love notes" this morning!


now, for the good stuff...
(that might just make one question backing me in the former process.)


this story is truly a little homage to my own brilliance.

AKA, prepare to be impressed.

in this particular "Real Mom Of Genius" moment, the boys and i were driving home after work/school.
specifically, we were driving on a local street called Henderson.
anth has recently taken to noticing various signs and either reading them aloud to us,
or asking us what they spell.

we had just passed an old Mexican restaurant that had closed down a while ago.
i was engrossed in some random thought or another, and anth pulled me out of it when he asked,
"hey mom, what does R-I-T-A-S spell?"
i asked him to repeat it again.
he did.
and then he shared the fact that it had an "a-pop-strophe."

'ritas.
right?
CLEARLY.

i started to explain that " 'ritas" is a nickname for a drink that some adults like.
anth then suggested "oh. well, have you had a 'ritas recently? we could go get 'ritas together."

yep.
YEP.

it was only after my 5-year-old offered to get cocktails together that i realized he was, in fact, referring to Rita's.
the Italian Ice stand on Henderson.

moral of the story?
punctuation is really important.

failure to communicate

bern and i have been sporadically discussing the concept of chores with anthony.
compensated chores. 
clearly, the dollar amount would not be all that high, nor the chores all that complex, but we have been chatting about positive rewards/responsibility/the need to understand money, etc.


recently, while driving the two little guys home after work, i was discussing the topic again. 
i explained to anth that, if he saved his allowance in his Brutus Bank (no piggies here, only Buckeyes), we would let him go to Target and pick out a toy, etc.


anth glanced at me in the rearview mirror as though i had three heads. 
"um, mom. this REALLY won't work."
i asked why this was a problem, seeing as new toys were usually a plus to him. 
"um, you're forgetting something really big here. I. CAN'T. DRIVE."


this, coming from the kid in the back of the car. 
that i was driving. 

simply said

anth's kindergarten has recently been discussing the meaning behind MLK Day.

anth can't quite seem to get the full name "Martin Luther King, Jr." down. 

sometimes he misses one of the names. 

sometimes an "Arthur" sneaks in there.

and sometimes the "Jr." ends up in the wrong place. 

but, on the way home from work Friday night, i was futzing around on my phone finalizing a few things from work that day. 

bern was driving. 

at first i overheard bern offering "it's Martin,  anth, not Arthur," so i knew what the topic was. 

then bern switched gears and asked anth if he knew what the man believed in. 

my sweet boy said, "love." 

in moments like these, my preference for detail is reminded that there are plenty of times when the view of the forest is far more important than that of the trees. 

ben's little honey-do list

it has been snowing here as of late. 
and the plows have not yet hit all of the residential streets. 
as a result, our neighborhood is still particularly snow-covered. 


as bern drove our little family onto our street the other night, we heard in a combined goofy-yet-bossy two-year-old voice in the back, "hey, uh, Mr. Dad...(ben waves his hand in the direction of the window with distaste)... can you clean up all that snow mess?"

he can dance if he wants to

i typically listen to music on the way in to work.
my selection tends to focus on musical theatre and folkish/sleepy music.
the last few days i have been listening to the musical tick, tick...BOOM!
(want more info on the show? you should. it's lovely. tick,_tick..._Boom!)

this morning it was my turn to drop off the boys at daycare.
if i haven't yet made this clear on the blog, benny is opinionated.
sometimes he forms a strong opinion on a random song and gives it his official yay or nay.
this yay or nay tends to be eternal from what i can tell.

today, he decided that the last, fully instrumental, song 30/90 Playout was officially the best thing ever.
i was able to deduce this through his subtle bellowing of "no, mamma, you make my song be gone!" each time it ended and went back to the beginning of the show.
so, we listened to this song quite a few times on the way in to work.
benny carseat-danced to the song, in its entirety, each time.
(if you are not familiar with this form of dance it involved much wiggling of the tush, some general kicking and the occasional jazz hands.)
he danced to the point that anth finally intervened to ask, "hey, um. mom? do you think maybe we should just stop playing this song and let him yell? i mean, he just...keeps...moving. like, a lot."